Normally after not writing for 4 months, I would spend one entire installment talking about not writing for 4 months, then I wouldn't post for another 4 or 5 months only to return and talk, again, about how I haven't written. Riveting, huh?
Well, I'm breaking that cycle this time. Okay, who am I kidding? Let's put it this way: I won't talk about not writing for very long. I truly started the year out with every intention of sticking with it, then, as usual, my schedule showing the dogs, planning a dog show, working, life, you name, got so crazy that writing took a backseat to everything else. I recently made a comment to someone about how overwhelmed I've felt in recent months with everything I'm trying to keep going and how I wish writing didn't have to be what I sacrificed. Their response was, "When your life is so busy and all of this crazy stuff is going on, that's precisely the time you SHOULD be writing about everything because you have plenty of great material.
I laughed about how accurate that truly was, and it kept ringing in my head in the days that followed. At about the same time I attended another in a long line of workshops and training seminars I've went to for work on social networking, blogging, etc., and somebody asked about how frequently a blog should be written, and the answer was to shoot for 3 installments a week.
3 huh? I don't know why, but that number didn't seem overly intimidating. We'll see what happens.
Today was another of the type of days I've had in the last few months where I easily could have a panic attack thinking of everything I have to try and juggle and accomplish. For those who know me, that's saying a great deal because I can handle a lot and generally not get frazzled over it. But of late, it's been tough. Part of it is my own fault. I'm not good at saying "No" when somebody asks me to do something or take on a project. It's always been a knee-jerk response of "Sure! No problem!"
But I've found it sometimes really IS a problem. In recent months I've felt at times like I'm being pulled in every direction and everybody wants a piece of me. I started getting frustrated and resentful about it, and then that voice in my head said, "Wait a minute: YOU caused this. You couldn't say 'No' and that's why they all DO want a piece of you. You told them it was okay! You're going to have to make this work, but learn from it, idiot!"
Why does that voice always have to be right? It's true. I made the commitments and now I have to follow through. However, "No" is now in my vocabulary for anything new. Bit by bit, I'm going to finish up things I'm committed to, and then I'm going to be more selective about how many plates I want to keep spinning in the future, and you know what I've figured out? Sometimes it's okay to have no plates spinning or to only spin the ones YOU want to spin!! (Gasp!!) Who knew??!!
I know part of what causes the potential panic attack is I look at everything I have to get done way out into the future. It's kind of the nature of the beast. The ability to keep so much going is that ability to be organized, look out ahead, and plan everything. It's probably why I can do what I do for a living and I've been this way since I was a kid. I have a really good memory and things just stockpile in my head. For example, right now, I can pretty much tell you how the month of August is going to go for me, both at work and personally. I know what days I have free, what days I have stuff going on, the dog showing schedule is already calculated, you name it.
But at the same time, always looking out ahead, always planning how much I can get done and when, it CAN cause things to seem overwhelming at times. I know it's best to not fixate on the whole picture, and just chip away at it. It's not easy though, and a character flaw, I suppose. On a serious note, the wisdom that comes with old age has taught me you can get so swept up in living 3 months down the road, that you fail to enjoy the little things in the here-and-now, and you might not GET that tomorrow or that 3 months down the road you're so fixated on. Even though I KNOW that, sometimes I will be the first to admit that I DO need to be reminded....or kidnapped for a day and forced to just wing it once in awhile.
A prime example of getting MY mapped-out plans thrown out of whack came today when the contractor came to measure for a new patio door. I had to take 2 hours off from work to wait for him, and at this time of year, losing 2 hours is huge, so while I'm waiting for him, I'm thinking....and planning....."Okay, the door I want they told me is in stock, so that should mean a fast turnaround. He's measuring today. It would work great if the install could be done Friday as that works better with my work schedule." Oh, I thought I had it all figured out.
Well, I did in "Lisa's World."
The contractor had different ideas, or maybe more accurately, my old 1970's patio door had different ideas. He measured and went, "Oh!" (It's never good when a contractor utters that.) Apparently, unlike the general belief that everything was bigger and better in the old days, that theory doesn't apply to patio doors. They were smaller back then. He said, "We're going to have to order this one. It's no big deal. They can size it exactly, but it's going to take 2-1/2 weeks to get it here."
Wait..Is he not aware that 2-1/2 weeks doesn't fit my schedule?
I asked, "When will the install be?" to which he replied, "Well, 2-1/2 weeks to get the door in, then probably two weeks to schedule the install. Sooooooooo, I would say sometime within the next month?"
Ending "sometime-in-the-next-month" with a question mark? Uh, hmmm...that's not QUITE the accuracy I was hoping for, because, after all, I have a game-plan and a theory for how the month of June should go! Apparently he didn't know that.
(Deep breath) Oooooh-kay. Guess I'll wing it. Go with the flow. Take it as it comes...the door that is..whenever it comes.
There is a bright spot in all of this: For the first time EVER, I got a contractor who fits what we gals envision a contractor to be. How often does that happen?--NEVER! But it did this time: About 6' 3", big broad shoulders, arms to go with the shoulders, I'm betting money that a six-pack is there under that tight t-shirt, and then there were the jeans that went WITH the t-shirt. I actually caught myself doing what was probably an overly enthusiastic "Hi!" when I opened the door, and get this: We had a whole conversation about the dogs because his parents have Akitas.
So maybe it IS okay if it takes awhile to put in this door. Like, maybe if he could drag the job out over a week or so. Or maybe I just need to have more construction projects done on my house.
What was I saying my plans were for August? I may need to revisit that.
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