I'm not a person who really ever has many moments when I'm just plain grumpy. I'm not really even that way in the morning. (Of course, being single, maybe I don't honestly know. My dogs might say otherwise.)
No, generally I'm upbeat. However, for the last couple of days, I've been what has felt like truly grumpy. I don't think outwardly I've shown it, but I sure have felt it myself, and it's bothered me because I'm just not used to wandering around that way.
At first I wasn't sure what it was, I couldn't put my finger on it. Then it started to come into focus. I recalled when my Mom would say something about Dad being grumpy because he had been forced to realize he was wrong about something and it didn't sit well with him, so he was quietly grumpy. (Mom was usually snickering when she said that.)
It hit me that in all likelihood, that's what was going on with me.
I won't get into the gory details, because the lesson to be learned from what I'm writing doesn't actually have anything to do with the specifics but rather what I realized from the outcome.
I don't know why the timing was such that this happened over the weekend, but in that time, I started to consider that my gut feeling about something had maybe been wrong, and it's something that I don't want to believe, but I think I have to.
I believe there's power in having a positive outlook, never giving up hope, being optimistic, visualizing what you want and thinking if you believe in it hard enough and follow what your gut is telling you, you'll be on the right track.
But the realization hit me over the weekend that, in my old age, I've now come to believe there's a very fine line that separates being hopeful and optimistic, and just being plain stupid.
Optimism and hope are fine to a point, even when others look at you and shake their heads with skepticism and you say, "NO! I'm right. Just you wait and see. I can feel it in my gut. Everything is telling me I'm right."
I think that's been the problem: My gut instinct has now reached the point of conflict. My gut told me I was right to begin with, but now my gut is telling me maybe I was terribly wrong. How can I have that conflict? Which gut instinct am I supposed to believe?! They're both fighting each other.
I laugh about that conflict as it reminds me of when one of my friends had his Dad put together this whole in depth study of my astrological profile. He had commented that Astrology was his Dad's hobby, and that he would be happy to do the full report for me. This was one of those where they need more than just the date and year of your birth, but also the exact minute you were born, where the hospital was located, etc.
When my report came back my friend said to me, "My Dad says he HAS to meet you because he has never seen anybody with a profile that is so full of things that contradict other things. He says this is the wildest one he has ever done. But hey, he says it makes you really fascinating!"
Oh great: The stars are in all-out war in my life. Niiiiiiiice. But hey, it makes me fascinating. Yay me!
So, yeah, it probably only makes sense that my gut instincts like to argue with each other.
It hit me that all of my belief, hope, and optimism has boiled down to me now thinking that I feel pretty stupid. You see, while I'm an optimistic, hopeful person, I'm equally a realist. I have an extremely realistic, logical, practical approach to things. (Refer back to that previous astrology report.)
So while I can wax poetic about hopefulness and optimism, I can also be saying at the same time, "Okay, let's look at this logically."
Just call me Yin and Yang.
I think what it boils down to is I had this cringing realization and I suddenly thought, "You know, girl, I think you may have been really wrong about this. Your optimism and faith have now taken you over the border into Stupid Land."
As I said: That border is a very fine line.
And now cue grumpiness.
I'm not one to give up hope, but I'm also not digging this feeling of thinking that I've been really stupid. I'm not sure what side of that fine line I'm going to end up on in this case.
In the meantime, me, Dopey, Sneezy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, and Doc are going to hang out for awhile.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Friday, October 14, 2011
Inspiration From the Wizard
"Write" the Wizard says. "Write even when you don't feel like it. Especially when you don't feel like it."
The aforementioned "Wizard" is actually a very talented guy by the name of Tim Miles. He's a Senior Partner in a strategic planning and communications group called Wizard of Ads. Yesterday I was lucky enough to be treated to over 3 hours of hearing him talk about advertising in America and what a business needs to do to be successful at it.
I couldn't wait to get to the presentation because I actually had just discovered Tim and became a huge fan only a week earlier.
As I was looking up the details about the seminar offered by the Portland Area Radio Council, I saw a link to Tim's blog on PARC's website. That particular link took me to one of his installments where he was writing about a radio campaign for a local roofing company which, in and of itself, was great, but it got me to clicking on other industry pieces he had written, and the next thing I knew I had made it to his blog website, www.thedailyblur.com
That's when it happened.
By "it" I mean I found the section of Tim's blog where he talks about life in general. His wife, his children, his sister, his routine, his observations, his nerdliness, things he's learned about life, you name it, he touches on it. I couldn't stop reading. One blog installment after another I was reading, and reading, and reading.
Then I hit upon this particular piece entitled, "A Certain Conceit." In it, he starts out apologizing for not writing, then points out that all of the so-called "smart" bloggers tell you never to point out that you haven't been writing, and he's breaking that rule. But he says the smart bloggers have what he doesn't have: The conceit, or maybe just plain confidence, to write publicly all the time.
From there, he explains that he had a revelation and knows he just has to follow his love of writing and simply write, and not worry about thinking who is out there wanting to read it, that he'll write about what interests him and hope that others will come along for the ride.
I read those words and thought, "That's it!" I've had those same exact self-doubts. Does anyone really give a rusty-rip about what I have to say?
Speaking of "Rusty-Rip"...Tim would say it's okay for me to use the dorky phrases and words I say in my writing. He also jokes about how he makes up words and knows he shouldn't end a sentence in a preposition but he doesn't care, he'll do it anyway.
That's also plagued me. I always envision my AP English Teacher, Mr. Pease, waiting to haunt me. Mr. Pease knew I was headed off for a career in radio when I walked out the door of his classroom on the last day of my Senior year in high school, because I was already working at a station each day after school. He was standing at the door to give a handshake to each of us as we departed and when he got to me, he said in his stern voice, "Miss DuPre', you have a gift with words. Don't squander it."
Those words have been ringing in my ears for years. Many times I've wondered if Mr. Pease would think I've squandered everything.
Each time I've written an installment for my blog, I picture Mr. Pease shaking his head in disappointment because I left a participle danging, or committed some other writing offense.
Like saying "Rusty-rip."
And starting out a sentence with "like"....or "and."
But here was Tim saying it was okay to let things dangle. It was okay to write "wanna" and "kinda" because you just kinda wanna do it!
I felt liberated. Free at last!!
I then found another piece Tim wrote in answer to people who tell him, "I want to do what you do." That's the one that really did it for me. He got to a part where he talked about writing and he just said, "Write. Write even when you don't feel like it. Especially when you don't feel like it."
There it is again, that simple statement. "Write." In another place he says, "You want to write? Write. That's really it."
You wanna write, Lisa? Then write.
Write.
Alright, I'll write!
The funny, surreal thing about all this is I didn't think I was going to be able to even go to the seminar. When my calendar cleared and I realized I could, it was already full, so I put my name on the waiting list, and figured my fate was in the hands of somebody else canceling and that didn't seem likely.
Then I heard from Melissa at PARC that she had found a seat for me. By this time, I had read so much of what Tim had written, that I could not wait to get there to hear his presentation. Afterwards, Melissa said, "I want to introduce you to Tim, because I told him how successful your fair was this last year and how you had changed your marketing approach."
In my head I was going, "Okay, Lisa, don't be your nerdly self and geek-out." I didn't want to gush like a groupie, but what he had to say and what he wrote really inspired and encouraged me, at a time when I wondered if anything could get me excited anymore.
After we talked "business" I said, "You know, I love your blog, and not just the industry-related pieces, but I really love what you write about life, in general." I told him he had given me the nudge to get back into writing my blog, and he said, "Oh, I want to read it! Email me the link to it."
I tried to act cool about it, but I had an internal "Gulp!" thinking, "Oh, no! Now I HAVE to write!"
But, that's what the Wizard said to do.
Write.
Just write.
Even when you don't give a rusty-rip and kinda don't wanna do it.
Just write.
The aforementioned "Wizard" is actually a very talented guy by the name of Tim Miles. He's a Senior Partner in a strategic planning and communications group called Wizard of Ads. Yesterday I was lucky enough to be treated to over 3 hours of hearing him talk about advertising in America and what a business needs to do to be successful at it.
I couldn't wait to get to the presentation because I actually had just discovered Tim and became a huge fan only a week earlier.
As I was looking up the details about the seminar offered by the Portland Area Radio Council, I saw a link to Tim's blog on PARC's website. That particular link took me to one of his installments where he was writing about a radio campaign for a local roofing company which, in and of itself, was great, but it got me to clicking on other industry pieces he had written, and the next thing I knew I had made it to his blog website, www.thedailyblur.com
That's when it happened.
By "it" I mean I found the section of Tim's blog where he talks about life in general. His wife, his children, his sister, his routine, his observations, his nerdliness, things he's learned about life, you name it, he touches on it. I couldn't stop reading. One blog installment after another I was reading, and reading, and reading.
Then I hit upon this particular piece entitled, "A Certain Conceit." In it, he starts out apologizing for not writing, then points out that all of the so-called "smart" bloggers tell you never to point out that you haven't been writing, and he's breaking that rule. But he says the smart bloggers have what he doesn't have: The conceit, or maybe just plain confidence, to write publicly all the time.
From there, he explains that he had a revelation and knows he just has to follow his love of writing and simply write, and not worry about thinking who is out there wanting to read it, that he'll write about what interests him and hope that others will come along for the ride.
I read those words and thought, "That's it!" I've had those same exact self-doubts. Does anyone really give a rusty-rip about what I have to say?
Speaking of "Rusty-Rip"...Tim would say it's okay for me to use the dorky phrases and words I say in my writing. He also jokes about how he makes up words and knows he shouldn't end a sentence in a preposition but he doesn't care, he'll do it anyway.
That's also plagued me. I always envision my AP English Teacher, Mr. Pease, waiting to haunt me. Mr. Pease knew I was headed off for a career in radio when I walked out the door of his classroom on the last day of my Senior year in high school, because I was already working at a station each day after school. He was standing at the door to give a handshake to each of us as we departed and when he got to me, he said in his stern voice, "Miss DuPre', you have a gift with words. Don't squander it."
Those words have been ringing in my ears for years. Many times I've wondered if Mr. Pease would think I've squandered everything.
Each time I've written an installment for my blog, I picture Mr. Pease shaking his head in disappointment because I left a participle danging, or committed some other writing offense.
Like saying "Rusty-rip."
And starting out a sentence with "like"....or "and."
But here was Tim saying it was okay to let things dangle. It was okay to write "wanna" and "kinda" because you just kinda wanna do it!
I felt liberated. Free at last!!
I then found another piece Tim wrote in answer to people who tell him, "I want to do what you do." That's the one that really did it for me. He got to a part where he talked about writing and he just said, "Write. Write even when you don't feel like it. Especially when you don't feel like it."
There it is again, that simple statement. "Write." In another place he says, "You want to write? Write. That's really it."
You wanna write, Lisa? Then write.
Write.
Alright, I'll write!
The funny, surreal thing about all this is I didn't think I was going to be able to even go to the seminar. When my calendar cleared and I realized I could, it was already full, so I put my name on the waiting list, and figured my fate was in the hands of somebody else canceling and that didn't seem likely.
Then I heard from Melissa at PARC that she had found a seat for me. By this time, I had read so much of what Tim had written, that I could not wait to get there to hear his presentation. Afterwards, Melissa said, "I want to introduce you to Tim, because I told him how successful your fair was this last year and how you had changed your marketing approach."
In my head I was going, "Okay, Lisa, don't be your nerdly self and geek-out." I didn't want to gush like a groupie, but what he had to say and what he wrote really inspired and encouraged me, at a time when I wondered if anything could get me excited anymore.
After we talked "business" I said, "You know, I love your blog, and not just the industry-related pieces, but I really love what you write about life, in general." I told him he had given me the nudge to get back into writing my blog, and he said, "Oh, I want to read it! Email me the link to it."
I tried to act cool about it, but I had an internal "Gulp!" thinking, "Oh, no! Now I HAVE to write!"
But, that's what the Wizard said to do.
Write.
Just write.
Even when you don't give a rusty-rip and kinda don't wanna do it.
Just write.
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