Eat the Burger When You Have the Chance

Supposedly, the more days you walk this earth, the more wisdom you acquire.  So far in my life, I would say that's true.  You start to see things, patterns, etc., to where you go, "Oh, I know how this is going to go down."  You try to warn and protect those who are younger, hoping you're going to save them, but then you see that youthful look of doubt, and you just grin to yourself, and realize it's not something you can tell them, but something they're just going to have to learn for themselves.

Yet, at the same time that think I'm becoming a wise old broad, there are still those things that happen that drive a point home, yet again, and I think, "Dang, when will I get to where I remember this?  When will I learn?"  That moment hit me last night.

I found out yesterday that the husband of one of my sister's friends drowned on Sunday.  My Mom called me and asked if I had heard the story on the news and realized who it was.  I told her no, I hadn't heard.  When she told me, there was that moment where everything just paused, and I thought, "No...that can't be.  That's just not right." 

Michael was 45 years old, and in top shape.  He even taught a fitness class at a nearby health club in his spare time.  He had his boat anchored off-shore and was swimming out to it.  His friends said he took off, and the next thing they knew he was floating motionless in the water, between the shore and the boat.  They got to him, administered CPR, as did the rescue crew that arrived shortly, but they couldn't revive him. 

My first question was whether his wife, Amy, and their daughter, Stevie, who I think is about 12 years old, were there when it happened.  At that point my Mom said my sister didn't know and we both said we certainly hoped they weren't.  That was just too horrible to think about.

I had to deal with work, so I didn't dwell on it at that moment, I had to file it away for the time being, but it gnawed at me all day long. 

I had a dog club meeting I had to be at last evening and it wasn't until the drive home, when I was by myself in the car in the dark, without the radio on, that I really started to think about it.  It was a long drive home.

I hadn't been around Michael a lot, but I remembered that when I had been, I really liked him.  I clearly remembered when I first met him.  Stevie was very young and he had taken her to this great toy store on Main Street.  She was named after Michael and Amy's favorite singer, Stevie Nicks, and she has this head of wild blonde naturally curly hair, kind of like how Stevie Nicks' hair used to look.  I don't remember how it all went down, if I was with my sister or my Mom, but I just remember we suddenly realized the cute little girl with the curly hair playing with the toys was Stevie, then we spotted Michael and I was introduced to him.  He was really friendly and outgoing and I recall genuinely liking him immediately.  He worked for a business at the airport next to the studios of the radio station where I was working, and we talked about some people we both knew around the airport as a result of that.

I chuckled recalling how Michael used to sneak Stevie out to eat fast-food burgers because, for a time, Amy decided she wanted to be a vegetarian, but Michael would say he didn't want Stevie to miss out on the joys of a burger.  Amy is a Physical Therapist, and she worked odd hours now and then, which gave Michael lots of time with Stevie, so that's when he would sneak her out for their burger runs without Mom knowing.

The more I thought about those things, the more I thought about Stevie and Amy last night on my drive home, trying to imagine what they were going through, losing Michael so suddenly, and hoping above everything, that Stevie wasn't standing on that beach Sunday afternoon.

My Mom told me today that Amy had finally talked to my sister.  Thankfully, she and Stevie weren't there when it happened.  In another of those cruel twists of fate in life, Michael had just finished writing his thesis for his degree in Psychology and Saturday he had taken it to be bound.  She said he was so excited to have it done that they had a little celebration with friends Saturday night.  On Sunday, it was such a warm day, that Michael wanted to take the boat out, but Amy said she didn't want to go, and that she and Stevie had other things to do to get ready for school.  As a result, Michael said he would go teach his class at the health club, and then he and some friends were going to take the boat to the island.

Amy said the friends all told her when Michael took off swimming, it was with good, strong strokes, headed right for the boat, and the next thing they knew, he was floating in the water.  The medical examiner told Amy he had a large abrasion on his head, and upon seeing that, they looked up the time the tide changed on Sunday.  Sure enough, the tide had changed at the time he was swimming out to the boat.  Their conclusion is that when the tide shifted, it kicked up some form of debris, a tree limb or something even bigger, that hit Michael in the head.  It was either the blow that killed him, or it knocked him unconscious, resulting in him drowning, which explains why it happened so suddenly.

When I heard that today, and then hung up the phone, I had this moment where I just paused to absorb it.  One minute Michael was there and perfectly fine.  The next minute, he was gone.  Yet another cruel twist of fate and timing. Had he went in a tad bit earlier, or a tad bit later, the outcome might have been very different and he would have made it to the boat just fine.  But it didn't happen that way.  Just like that, it was over.

It struck me as being something so fast, that it equated to somebody just walking out of the house into the garage, and yet they never walk back in a few minutes later like you thought they would.  Instantly, they're gone. 

The profound sadness of this has just really hit me.  I can't stop thinking of Stevie and Amy.  I wonder if it's really hit them.  But more than anything, referring to what I said earlier about wondering when I would learn certain lessons and have more wisdom on some things, it drives home the point to me, yet again, that you can't waste time, and you can't put off things.  I keep thinking about how much of the time I spend thinking of what's ahead down the road, planning and preparing, or how many times I say, or I hear somebody else say, "I can't take time for that in my life now.  I have to get these other things taken care of and all in order, THEN, I can do that."  Yeah, well, maybe......but maybe not. 

My sister said that Amy told her Stevie has been taking a Tai Kwon Do class and she's scheduled to take her test for her next belt on Friday.  Her instructor came to the house yesterday to see her and told her it was up to her to decide what she wanted to do, but it was understandable if she didn't want to try for it.  But Stevie said, "No Mom. I'm going to class this week and then I'm taking my test Friday."  Amy said she thought, "More power to you, Girl!" and was very proud of her.

She's clearly a tough kid.  Maybe it's all those burgers she ate on those clandestine burger runs with her Dad.

Lesson learned:  Sometimes the best thing you can do is just eat the burger when you have the chance.